Wednesday, January 20, 2010
In Alex's Memory
...can't believe it's 2010, the 20th of January at that. In just a few short months my family and I will be celebrating Alex's 2nd Heavenly Birthday. Last year we had a Butterfly release in his memory - 36 butterflies, one for each of the 35 weeks he lived inside of my womb and 1 for his first birthday.
Friday, January 8, 2010
life's little pleasures
...long story short:
January 2008 I was pregnant with my 5th child, a boy when doctor's found out he had Trisomy 18.
It was a cold evening in January 2008, I called the hospital for the Amnio results. I was alone in a conference room at 5 Penn Plaza (office building I work in). It was shortly after 5 pm everyone had gone home for the day. I got on the phone with Billie (the genetic counselor) who gave me the results over the phone. Upon receiving the news my body began shaking uncontrollably, my heart skipped a few beats and the already cold conference room was colder & darker than usual.
Reaction:
Oh my God no. I didn't yell, in fact I remember strength leaving my body..."Oh my God no" is all I could say. - Deep Sigh -- long pause on the phone -- then Billie reiterated, "I know you said it's not an option but I have to inform you that you still have a few days to interrupt the pregnancy".
I responded, "that's not an option" and thanked her for staying after hours to accommodate my schedule as I could not take off of work and I certainly did not want to receive this type of news with a bunch of co-workers around.
Hung up the phone, held my face in my hands, wept until the point I knew if I didn't stop I would loose my mind.
I got on the phone with Steve (my husband) and gave him the news. He was only a short 15 minutes from my office but it seem to be the longest train ride to reach him that evening; I just couldn't get to him fast enough...once I reached him I just needed to be held while I cried.
Jan 2008 - May 2008:
There is a lot that happen between the time I found out about our son Alexander Amadeus and Sunday, May 4, 2008 the day he was born still.
A blessing:
I consider myself blessed to have the support of my Doctor, Monique DeFour Jones and I will elaborate on her role and how her straightforward caring disposition helped me through this journey. She was truly God-sent.
...another blessing
My nurse Linda (beautiful soft-spoken woman) brought in warm blankets to keep Alex's body warm. Dressed Alex for me, took pictures and watched over me and my family as they poured in.
The Day:
I did not hear him cry, I did not see his little hands open to grab for fear of falling as the doctors helped him out, I did not breastfeed, did not bring him home...I held him, admire his perfect face, held his tiny hands, counted his toes, cleaned his face and kiss his forehead. In return this silent litte boy gifted me with a new perspective among other things.
The little pleasures in life we tend to take those for granted, a baby's cry is all I prayed for that day...
January 2008 I was pregnant with my 5th child, a boy when doctor's found out he had Trisomy 18.
It was a cold evening in January 2008, I called the hospital for the Amnio results. I was alone in a conference room at 5 Penn Plaza (office building I work in). It was shortly after 5 pm everyone had gone home for the day. I got on the phone with Billie (the genetic counselor) who gave me the results over the phone. Upon receiving the news my body began shaking uncontrollably, my heart skipped a few beats and the already cold conference room was colder & darker than usual.
Reaction:
Oh my God no. I didn't yell, in fact I remember strength leaving my body..."Oh my God no" is all I could say. - Deep Sigh -- long pause on the phone -- then Billie reiterated, "I know you said it's not an option but I have to inform you that you still have a few days to interrupt the pregnancy".
I responded, "that's not an option" and thanked her for staying after hours to accommodate my schedule as I could not take off of work and I certainly did not want to receive this type of news with a bunch of co-workers around.
Hung up the phone, held my face in my hands, wept until the point I knew if I didn't stop I would loose my mind.
I got on the phone with Steve (my husband) and gave him the news. He was only a short 15 minutes from my office but it seem to be the longest train ride to reach him that evening; I just couldn't get to him fast enough...once I reached him I just needed to be held while I cried.
Jan 2008 - May 2008:
There is a lot that happen between the time I found out about our son Alexander Amadeus and Sunday, May 4, 2008 the day he was born still.
A blessing:
I consider myself blessed to have the support of my Doctor, Monique DeFour Jones and I will elaborate on her role and how her straightforward caring disposition helped me through this journey. She was truly God-sent.
...another blessing
My nurse Linda (beautiful soft-spoken woman) brought in warm blankets to keep Alex's body warm. Dressed Alex for me, took pictures and watched over me and my family as they poured in.
The Day:
I did not hear him cry, I did not see his little hands open to grab for fear of falling as the doctors helped him out, I did not breastfeed, did not bring him home...I held him, admire his perfect face, held his tiny hands, counted his toes, cleaned his face and kiss his forehead. In return this silent litte boy gifted me with a new perspective among other things.
Alex & Dad
Alex & Mama
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